An enabler stays in the abusive situation thus enabling the abuser to keep on abusing.
What in that logic is lost on you?

The one thing I love about freedom of speech in this country is that we all are entitled to and can express our opinions…you have yours and I have mine. Ain’t that great!!!

In no way to I feel “put in my place.” BTW..I suspect you assume I am a woman, and therefore should be put in my place as a, “shrew” (Translation: Woman who says something other than, “Yes.”)

Remember the cliche about assumptions?

Perhaps this blog should be renamed Mysognist’s Melange!

He just put you in your place.

ibs,

It is not gender bias just because you say it is. Here is the situation: because men are considered “wimpy” if they are abused by women, people like you mock them. People like you want it to be about gender bias, people like you want it to be a psychological problem the man has. It couldn’t possibly be the woman’s problem! In fact, you have the gender bias.

Female abuse is an epidemic. Battered men are a dirty secret. ibs, your work is evil. You are an enabler. You blame the victim, claiming some psychological damage the victim must have.

Men will not be silenced into submission. We will not stand for abuse. It is not okay, it is not something we deserve, and it does not indicate we did something wrong. Your ‘blame the victim’ mentality is sick, demeaning, and unacceptable.

Screaming “gender bias” when a woman is identified as an abuser is a trick. It is a trick used to allow the abuser to continue. You will not succeed. We will not give in to your insistence that something is wrong with the victim. Your work is evil. Your intention is dishonorable.

So claim it is the man’s fault if a woman abuses him. Go ahead and suggest that it is the man who has psychological problems. We know better. We are well-adjusted and healthy. You can tell we are, because we stood up to the abuse.

It is people like you who have always accused rape victims of doing something to deserve to be raped. It is people like you who have always claimed blacks had some inferiority that brought on their second class citizenship. Now you have moved on to your next convenient target–abused men. It is their fault. They brought it on. There is something wrong with them.

You are doing evil work.

I am not wounded. I am not bitter. I do not blame anyone for hurting me, and I have no scars.

Why can’t you get it?

Naming an abuser an abuser is simply calling a fact a fact. It does not require one to be psychologically damaged.

I have no gender bias. Abuse is abuse. If a woman is an abuser, it is not a sign of being “wounded deeply” to name her behavior.

Sheesh. Simple.

If you axiom is true for females, then men who blame women for their wounds are not taking responsiblity for their part in hurting themselves either.

I fully agree that it is unhealthy to blame one’s own “scars,” on someone else unless one was a defenseless child when the abuse occurred. And even then the victim needs to seek a method of healing and letting go of old pain from that which s/he cannot go back and undo. We cannot change one thing about yesterday, we can only live in today; and if we carry open wounds forward, our tomorrows won’t be much better.

To answer your comment that I should not call women sluts. Some women are sluts, pure and simple, just as some men are what my daughter so eloquently calls, “Man Ho’s,” These people need to leave off the extramarital affairs and do the inner work on their own neediness–not jumping from partner to partnet to find what is missing inside themselves. Using infidelity as a vehicle to leave a marriage (no matter how miserable) is the coward’s way out and shows a complete lack of willingness to accept any responsibilty for improving one’s own inner self not to mention a lack of integrity….specially when multiple families can be destroyed in the process. People who entice other in to unfaithfulness and cannot see how destructive it is are capable of lies, deceit, and treachery. If they will do it with you; they are quite capable of doing it to you, when you when the lust wears off and your flaws become evident.

Other people do not provide our inner sense of basic contentment. They can contribute much to our happiness or to our discomfort; but in the final analysis, we are all responsible for our own self-satisfaction. People in MLC are avoiding dealing with their own inner issue and frequently health issues as well, and they typically leave a wake of destruction of spouses, children, and relatives when they choose the easy way out.

I “understand,” the abuser and abused because it is my job to do so. I am a proponent of healing not hating.

Perhaps you should have titled your book, “Break Free From The Abuse.”

Any adult who remains in an emotionally abusive relationship for any length of time without either setting effective boundaries and/or getting effective help (or in the case of physical abuse not removing him/herself physically) has psychological problems that are as deep seated as the, “abuser.” One term for it is masochism.

Mr. Stone, you strike me as a man who was wounded deeply by a woman (or possibly women) in the past and who has an obvious gender bias. No matter how things shake out it always seems to be the woman’s fault according to you. Are you perhaps the garden variety mysogynist in blogger’s clothing.?